Category Archives: Psycolog

Motivation, Psycolog, Ramblings

Star Trek and Idealism

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‘What a piece of work is man! How noble in reason! How infinite in faculty! In form, in moving, how express and admirable! In action, how like an angel! In apprehension, how like a god!'”

Jean-Luc Picard, Star Trek: The Next Generation, “Hide and Q”

There is within man a spark of idealism. A spark that will not be extinguished. It is a universal urge to do more than what is expected.  That urge is what drives me to help in a local food bank which distributes over 20,000 pounds of food to the “food insecure” every month. Why do I do that?  What characteristic or deep-seated urge seems to send me to volunteer.  Is there an inner desire, or core belief within us all to be altruistic and social-minded?  I believe so.  It is an internal urge to have compassion with no expectation of reward. There is an inner voice that wants me to move to action to correct what appears to be unjust.  I give time, talent and treasure to meet perceived needs.  It moves me. It makes me overlook the smells and sometimes bad attitudes of the recipients.

But there is a multiplicity of competing voices.  For some being around the unwashed and uncouth is just too much.  For that matter, some even feel uncomfortable when they hear what I do.  They are uncomfortable because their inner voice has been muffled for so long that they can look a homeless person on the street corner and act as though they did not exist.

Everyone has that inner desire to right wrongs.  Everyone wants to do right when the opportunity is presented to their sensibilities. This week the nation is morning a senseless school shooting, but we seem to turn a deaf ear to the thousands dying in Chicago and other large cities.  The problem is we can’t do everything.  There must be a hierarchy of our altruism and idealism. Sure, I care for the poor and hungry in my city, I do my part, but I am also aware there always be someone I can not help.  I know without a doubt that hunger will never be stamped out of my community.  Never-the-less, I can help with some and those I do help are sufficient. It quiets my still small voice crying in the darkness of my soul to do more.

My inner voice that cries for idealism and altruism causes my actions.  And those actions are what I will be measured.

Your comments?

Culture, Motivation, Psycolog, Ramblings

Honor

Over the last couple of months, I have tried to grasp the characteristics or inner needs that drive our actions.  Again, actions are the results or responses we decide to make as we live out our core.  Our core is part and parcel of who we are.  We do not choose to be wanted and accepted, it is a part of our core or center characteristic.  Actions based upon this core have moral consequences.  Actions are never done in isolation.  Actions are what we do in response to our innermost.  These actions require an act of the will.  An example: I have an inner desire for consumption of food, but it is an act of the will to consume good food or not so good food.  Decisions carry with it consequences.  If someone would step on my toe in a crowded elevator, I would feel pain; no decision on my part it is a part of being alive.  But if I lashed out at the perpetrator of the pain and punched him in the nose, that is a decision and has consequences. Pain is part of being how I am. Purposely inflicting pain on someone else’s nose is a decision-making process.

So far in my list of inner wants or core needs I have covered acceptance, curiosity, consumption, and family. The next on the list is probably the most problematic.  Problematic in that our society seems to display the actions that would not express this characteristic.  That characteristic is honor.

Honor as defined in the Bible as kabod in the Old Testament meaning heavy or weighty.  To honor someone is to give weight or give respect and even authority over your life, and timao in the New Testament.  It is characterized as granting honor because of respect, courtesy, and reverence.  Both words speak of acts of honor. Never-the-less, I believe there is an inner desire to acknowledge others with honor.

An example of this characteristic is when I worked for Intel Corporation.  I was asked to go on a sales call with a large customer to be a technical advisor to the discussion.  I felt that I should give the honor to the customer to dress well and be on my best behavior.  I put on a fresh shirt and a moderate tie under my suit coat and went to the meeting.  At the meeting table prior to introductions the prospective buyers constantly asked me questions and almost ignoring the sales manager to which I was there to support.  The sales manager was not wearing a tie or for that matter acted disinterested in the goings-on of the meeting.  The company staff was referring to me because of my clothes and demeanor.  To the chagrin of my sales manager, he was being ignored and I was being honored.

For the most part, most do not act rudely.  Most take care not to offend.  Most react to the honor urge in positive ways.  It is an internal attitude of that should be nurtured.  It is only when we respect, and honor others will others do the same. While the reception of honor is a positive experience, it is not to be sought ( Luke 14:7-8 ). When honor comes from others by reason of position or status, it is not to be taken for granted. The recipients should seek to merit honor through godly character.

The granting of honor to others is an essential experience in the believer’s life. Christians are to bestow honor on those for whom honor is due. The believer is to honor God, for he is the sovereign head of the universe and his character is unsurpassed. The believer is to honor those in positions of earthly authority, such as governing authorities ( Rom 13:1-7 ), masters ( 1 Tim 6:1 ), and parents ( Exod 20:12 ). As a participant in the church, the believer is also called to honor Jesus Christ, the head of the church ( John 5:23 ), fellow believers ( Rom 12:10 ), and widows ( 1 Tim 5:3 ).

Honor, now that is deep!

Comments welcomed.

Church, Personal, Psycolog

Family, family, family

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I have a grand-daughter that started a performance ritual a few years back.  Whenever an occasion arose to have all the relatives in one place, she would have all of us gather together in a big circle and hold hands. She would then start the swinging of hands repeating, “Family, Family, Family.” This little act of coming together as a family was from an inner desire to touch and feel a part of something more than herself.  I believe there is a need deep down within every human to want to be included in a family.  For adults, there is a need to create a family and within that an intrinsic feeling of love, of creation or a desire to leave something behind.

It would be easy for a secular family to put the family in a priority level from first to a much lower position.  Some people can’t have a bunch of kids.  Others simply don’t want children.  The social climate we live in seems to encourage family: deductions on our income tax, public support of schools for children, there is even special medical coverage for children that is not available for adults.

In the sphere of Christianity, where does this intersect with the family of God? Many Christians rightly say that God loves family. All throughout Scripture, families are given the task of rearing children in the Lord. Husbands and wives are commanded to be faithful to one another, and children to their parents. Paul writes that “Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Tim. 5:8).  Conversely, Jesus said, “If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple” (Luke 14:26).

Following Jesus means belonging to two families, a natural family, and a faith family. Unlike His surrounding culture, what is most important to Jesus is the faith family: “Pointing to his disciples, he said, ‘Here are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother’” (Matt. 12:46–50).

Jesus’ call to join a new family generates an unavoidable loyalty conflict. Which family do I now owe my ultimate loyalty?  It is a dilemma which is not easily overcome.  We go through life as a Christian hoping that the test of our ultimate loyalty will not have to be faced.

So where does the Christian put the personal family and God’s family into the hierarchy of priorities?  Does the ranking and rating system of our beliefs require us to make a choice?  It is easy to put God first on our list: the issue arises when we must decide who to put in number two place: God’s family or my family.

While our natural families are still the most significant earthly relationships we have, we must learn to situate our natural families under an umbrella of the family of God—not as distinct social entities competing for time and attention but as members of the same family.

As Barna president David Kinnaman said,

Cultivating intergenerational relationships is one of the most important ways in which effective faith communities are developing flourishing faith in both young and old. In many churches, this means changing the metaphor from simply passing the baton to the next generation to a more functional, biblical picture of a body—that is, the entire community of faith, across the entire lifespan, working together to fulfill God’s purposes.

For those who don’t have a natural family, for those who choose not to have a natural family, for those who have lost their natural family, I have an invitation.  That invitation is to find a better family, a more important family, the family of God.

When we all gather together as a body of believers we need to grab and hand a repeat after my little grand-daughter and proclaim “Family, Family, Family.”  We should do it because there is no real separation between God and his family.

Life, Motivation, Personal, Psycolog

Transmission fluid and hamburgers.

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The only being that is completely self-sufficient is God, all others must and are driven to consume.  If you don’t, you die.  Whether it is good for you vegetables, or not so good for you half-pound hamburger covered with cheese and accompanied by greasy fried potatoes, you will consume.  Again, this is a motive or a decision point that you must come to order for you to live.  The desire to incorporate something outside of yourself is neither right or wrong, it is part of being God’s creation.  We come into the realm of good and bad is when we start making the decision as to how to satiate that desire.

I just pulled the bottom pan from a Dodge Dakota pickup transmission.  I was careful not to spill the slightly blackened, red fluid all over myself and the concrete behind my house.  It is my decision whether I pour it down the storm drain, or to pour it into the properly sealed container and take it down to the recycle center. It is my choice to do the responsible thing or the other way.  But it all boils down to what is my Christian responsibility.  What would God ask me to do with four quarts of used oil?

Sunday’s sermon, which did not include anything about used oil, helps me make the decision.  The preacher said, “I like the Savior part of Jesus, I have problems with the Lord part.”  I am saved by grace.  The Lord loves me, and I can’t stop Him from doing that act of love.  But, with my conversion, I have a responsibility to make decisions as He would have me make.  It is about who is in control.  It is about who is leading.  It is about who knows the correct path.  So what does this have to do with used petroleum products?  Two things:  Stewardship, and responsibility.

Adam and Eve’s first test before God, even before the forbidden fruit, was to take responsibility for the earth. It wasn’t an add-in later, it was not a sideline to be figured out when they had the time or the inclination.  It was a foundational understanding and requirement given to these two humans.  They were to be caretakers or stewards. Sometimes God limits Himself by letting his work become the responsibility of people. “I made this garden for you, it is perfect, it is filled with all kinds of animals, it has all that you need to consume, but it is your responsibility to keep it in order.” Or as the Message says, “God blessed them; Prosper! Reproduce! Fill Earth! Take charge!  Be responsible for fish in the sea and birds in the air, for every living thing that moves on the face of Earth.”

The sovereign ruler of the universe and all human affairs gave Adam and Eve the job of a steward.  But more than that He gave them responsibility for the outcome. That responsibility for keeping a watchful eye over and active participation in the guarding and nurture of the world that they lived in.  We are, as Christians, directly responsible for the current state of our environment.

The earth and all life in it and on it are gifts from God.  They are to be shared and developed.  They are not there to be exploited.  Our actions have moral consequences.  The goods of the earth and the beauty of the world around us are to be enjoyed and even celebrated as well as being consumed. We have a responsibility, as much as lays within us, to be good stewards and take direct responsibility for the outcomes.  We must consider the generations to come when we make our decisions on consumption.

I will dispose of my used automatic transmission oil responsibility, not because I owe allegiance to a mother earth society, but because it is demanded of me by my Lord.

Comments.  Suggestions.  Rebuttal?

Bible Study, Life, Personal, Psycolog

Curiosity and the cat

What is so wrong with wanting to know something?  What is it that makes us have curiosity? Babies touch and place things in their mouths, all to know more about their small environment.  Curiosity is simply learning for learning’s sake.  It is wanting to understand ourselves and others.  It is wondering why things work.  Curiosity is a tendency to explore and know new things. We see people indulge in a traveling to look at new places, new things and new developments taking place outside their environment.

But it can also get us into trouble.  Eve could not resist eating of the fruit of the forbidden tree in the Garden of Eden.  Lot’s wife could not stop herself from looking back on the destruction of the Sodom and Gamora. In Greek mythology, Pandora opened the box and let loose evil, sickness, and unhappiness. Early religious thinkers thought curiosity was sinful because a lust for knowledge was an attribute reserved for God.

Never-the-less it drives me.  I never seem to have enough knowledge.  I never seem to have enough information about a situation to decide on the alternatives.  And when I do make a choice of the viable options, I am not satisfied and continue to research and consequently second guess myself.  Frustrating.

Further, all this knowledge can well become a detriment to reasonable discussion.  I have been accused of being a know-it-all.  Even though I am constantly bombarded with questions, primarily because I usually have an answer, sometimes I just guess to display my mastery of all that is important.

Two ideas here in defense of the natural desire or motive of curiosity: It can open ourselves to God and it is a perfect solution to judgment.

Yes, curiosity killed the cat, but it does open the greatest discovery of all.  The New American Standard Bible states in 2 Timothy 2:15, “Be diligent to present yourself approved to God as a workman who does not need to be ashamed, handling accurately the word of truth.”  Study of the Word of God can very well lead to the approval of God.  Curiosity can well point to God.

It is not as if God is standing well off our path of life and we must let our curiosity motivate a search hither and yon to find him. God is already at our door gently, patiently waiting for your curiosity to open the door.

The next time you start judging someone or some act, turn on the curiosity.  Ask yourself why that person or that act happened.  Put yourself in their shoes.  Ask questions of the why of the action or expression.  The very act of curiosity can well cause us to reassess our own judgmental attitude.

What do you think?  Add a comment.

Personal, Psycolog, Uncategorized

Acceptance

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“Larry, you are just too loud.”

People have said this to me constantly throughout my life.  I have been told that my brashness and overbearing attitudes need a little “softening”.  I tried to meter myself most of my life, but the same comments seem to be whispered where ever I go. It was OK to be a little loud as a kid, never-the-less as an adult it sometimes simply becomes too much.  Those around me, in meetings and gatherings, would simply interrupt my pontification and not let me finish my thought because I was monopolizing the conversation.  These efforts and comments seem to motivate me to get a little louder, a little more vociferous to make my point.

The older I get, all these gentle nudges, comments, and queues, the more frustrated I have become.  Why do my helpers always want to change me?  Do they think I can just flip a switch and become someone else?  Is there some magic button I can push to make myself more acceptable to those around me? If it were that simple.  I want to be accepted as I am.  I desire to be accepted.  I try to meter my speech sometimes just to get along.  But every effort to put on that mask for someone else, causes me to suffer.

I want to be appreciated.  I want people to include me. I want people to like me.  I want to be accepted for who I am.

Acceptance as a motivator or a desire has its good side and its bad side.  Acceptance as a desire or a motivator is a common thread in all.  We post on Facebook in the hope someone might just respond with acceptance.  We drive at or slightly above the speed limit because it is the accepted behavior.  It feels good when a compliment comes your way pertaining an idea or an effort of yours.  It warms your heard when someone goes out of their way to acknowledge your being a part of their lives.

On the other, more dark side, it can lead to judgments without examinations.  It can lead to shame used as a whip to bring someone into line with their expectations. Acceptance can be a very negative motivator when it becomes the only sign of self-worth.  Acceptance can be very negative when it is used against you.  Acceptance is terrible when it is the only thing that motivates you.  Acceptance by others can become the only measuring rod of your life, the only thing that marks your being loved.

So, hear me when I say to you:

You are a human being, you are an image-bearer of the Most High God.

You are accepted here.

You belong to this earth.

You belong at the feet of Jesus and are accepted.

You belong within and are accepted by a community of like-minded believers.

You deserve to be accepted for who you are.  Don’t let the rejecters and judgments of others tell you different.  Don’t buy into their schemes and lies.  You are accepted by God.

The Lord is my Shepherd, and that is all I need.

Comments?

Life, Personal, Psycolog, Ramblings

The why of the what.

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Why do you do the things you do? Why do you react to some people one way and others in another?  What causes me to want to go to a church that fills me with joy or even go to church in the first place?  What inner voice drives me to learn and share that learning?  Why do I write or even write about the subjects I do?  For that matter, why do I keep asking questions like these?  Others seem to ignore the why and are more concerned about the what.

To this end, I have researched and studied and digested numerous sources all the way from Maslow’s hierarchy of needs to Herzberg’s two-factor theory. I have self-analyzed myself to a point of frustration.

In the next couple of weeks, I plan to address what makes me, and for that matter, you and everyone else, what seems to motivate our actions.  Further, I will include the direct relationship to each of our motivations to God and how we choose to serve Him.

Prior to addressing the nine motives or desires, I have set specific criteria to each.  First criteria for each motive or desire is that it is amoral.  That is there is no cause for judgment in having one of these motives or desires.  The desires of the body are morally neutral.  Second is that each of these desires or motives can and often lead to moral decisions.  The why will turn to what.  Thirdly, our moral decisions based on these desires can be good, holy, and Godly.  Conversely, our moral decisions can be bad, sinful and ungodly. Lastly, as humans, we all have these motives or desires to one degree or other.  To ignore any of them is to ignore what God has put in us and how God made us.

So this is where I am going:

  1. Acceptance
  2. Curiosity
  3. Consumption
  4. Family
  5. Honor
  6. Idealism
  7. Independence
  8. Order
  9. Love
Ministry, Psycolog

Giving it all away

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Let’s play a game.  The game is easy at first and it will help us with a definition.

  1. I have 100 one-dollar bills.
  2. There are five players of which I am one.
  3. Like monopoly, I pass out the money equally.
  4. How much money does each player receive?

It doesn’t take a math wizard to figure out the answer the question.  Each player now has 20 dollars. But now is where it gets a little harder.

  1. Each person in the game must give half of their money to the most deserving by whatever criteria you would like. Equality is no longer a criterion. There could be some possible outcomes:
    1. A person could think he is the most deserving and keep his 10 dollars.
    2. A person could think that friendship or popularity should make the decision.
    3. A person could see the other’s way of dispersion and try to make it fair and give to the person who did not receive anything. Trying to be fair to everyone.
    4. One player may give his 10 dollars back to me because I am the one who started giving away my money in the first place. A reward for giving.

In the first part of the game, I am expected to not cheat and give the dollars out evenly to each person.  It is expected that I am fair with my game.  It was an example of equality.  Each of the players expected the same amount of money at the beginning of the game. The requirement of equality is that everyone was treated the same.  The issue comes up when equality is no longer an absolute criterion for the next step. The second step included things like selfishness as in response (a), prejudice as in response (b), or as in response (c) where equality is attempted.

There is a food pantry at the church at which I attend.  The Pantry provides food to those who want to avail themselves of the pantry services.  The Pantry provides to everyone who comes; equality.  One of the services provided is USDA offerings.  To be a recipient of this food you must meet criteria set by the USDA.  The USDA sets a maximum income ceiling to receive this food.  They provide for low-income families only.  There is no equality in this requirement, it is a means to provide food to the most deserving.  The USDA is trying to provide a level playing field for the food insecure in our community.  This provision is not equal.  This provision is a service of equity.  The USDA is saying that families that do not have the ability or incentive or just plain bad luck there is a government program that will help them in their time of need.  This is an example of equity; that all should have a bottom line for food.

My moral center based upon God says to me I should care for the needed.  Jesus tells me in the word that I should give to the hungry.  I fully support the Pantry and what it is accomplishing. But sometimes I wonder about the difference between equality and equity.

I just read a study on the difference between equality and equity.  This study tells me that people frequently disagree about morality. There seems to be no standard morality in our society. The arguments are about which rules are valid and which are not.  There are disagreements about whether contraception is morally wrong.  There are disagreements over abortion.  There are even disagreements over the fairness of our taxation system.  Should I download music from the internet without paying for it?  So which side do I find my moral compass?  Should my decisions be made only on equality, “all the same no matter what”, or equity, “the one who needs the most”?

I would suppose that if I am the one running the game, I start out with equality, “all men are created equal” and make my decision about equity as I go along.

I need your input on this one, please leave a comment.

Ministry, Psycolog, Ramblings

I feel your pain.

I have come to know a person who told me he had little empathy.  It both shocked me and created a sense of doubt in his motives and his actions.  So, I did a little research on what empathy really means and what should be my reaction.  The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines empathy as:

1 : the imaginative projection of a subjective state into an object so that the object appears to be infused with it

2 : the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner; also :the capacity for this

Therefore, a person has empathy if that person can understand and share the feelings of another.  Empathy is the ability to experience the feelings of another person.  It goes beyond acknowledgement of pain and suffering of others to a personal co-ownership of that pain and suffering.

So from there I had to understand the difference between sympathy and empathy.  I have used them interchangeably.

Here is a chart:

Empathy Sympathy
Understanding what others are feeling because you have experienced it yourself or can put yourself in their shoes. Acknowledging another person’s emotional hardships and providing comfort and assurance.
Personal understanding from experience of like circumstance or proportion of pain Understanding the quantity and type of pain experience of others
The ability to sense the feeling of the other person by remembering or imagining themselves in the other’s situations. The ability to measure and understand
I know it’s not easy to lose weight because I have faced the same problems myself Trying to lose weight can often feel like an uphill battle
A doctor relating with a patient because he or she has been in a similar situation or experience Doctors comforting patients or their families
Experience of emotion like the emotion of another person.
Empathy shares Sympathy expresses
I feel your pain I am sorry for your pain
Empathy is a mindset based upon personality Sympathy is a mindset based upon learning
Empathy is a talent Sympathy is a learned behavior
Empathy is exhibited in sharing Sympathy is increased by repetition

Of the two, empathy is a deeper feeling, but sympathy can be just as honest and heartfelt. However, empathy can forge a deeper and more meaningful connection, thus serving as a bridge for greater communication between individuals or between a leader and his or her followers.  Empathy most often leads to sympathy.  But sympathy alone does not lead to empathy.  This study leads me to something else; the actions that come from both empathy and sympathy: compassion.

Compassion is the action that is motivated by either empathy or sympathy. Compassion recognizes the situation and does something with it. Both sympathy and empathy imply caring for another person, but with empathy, the caring is enhanced or expanded by being able to feel the other person’s emotions.

In my study, I found a remarkable statement: The capacity to sympathize and empathize are considered vital for a sense of humanity — i.e., the ability to understand one’s fellow humans and their problems. People who lack this capacity are often classified as narcissistic, sociopathic, or in extreme cases, psychopathic.  I don’t think the person spoken of earlier needs to find a psychiatrist. But I do believe that both empathy and sympathy are vitally important to our humanity. He should try and do all he can to develop a sense of sympathy through practice. A sense of sympathy that can be exhibited in compassion with a willingness to stop and listen carefully to other situations and pain.  Sympathy is a learned behavior and empathy is personal talent. You can’t learn empathy.  You can learn to be sympathetic.

What do you think, leave a comment?

Church, Life, Psycolog, Ramblings

Church Attendance Pt2

There are segments of our Western culture that are flourishing.  Technology seems to ingrained into every part of what we call life today.  The world seems to be saying it can provide you everything you need.  “I can provide all things at a click of a mouse or a tap on the screen.”  It is a beautiful place that we have made.  You don’t have to go to the Grand Canyon to feel the awe, you can get virtual glasses and the latest program.  You can buy all that is needed to lead a full and exciting life.  If you are lonely just log on to Facebook,  if you are hungry call up UBER to deliver a gourmet meal in less than an hour.  A world of products are just a click away.  Special industries have popped up to provide vacations, amazing experiences, and gastronomic delights.  Entertainment can provide an endless supply of music, music, live sports and the latest shoot-em-up gaming experience.  There seems to be a constant hum in the air.  But it is so much driven by individualism.

It is about my experience, my location, my food, my dog, my witticism, and my life.  Happiness and stimulation without commitment.  It may not be George Orwell’s new world, but the outcome is the same.  Dull automatons marching to the glare of a screen plastered to your face.

This new found freedom is at the expense of something else.  One writer called it the vanishing of institutions.  If we can be ourselves, if we can life our lives in constant self gratification and self forfillment, what do we need with institutions?  What do we need with the Church?

The Church is our beliefs and ethics in the flesh. The Church is a bringing down from heaven the life of God to become a operating on earth.  There is a shared set of beliefs that the whole agrees and defines itself.  The Church exists to pass along our beliefs.  The Church exists as a place to turn our beliefs into action, in real behaviors, to educate.  It is more than a broadcast message hoping some would friend it.  It is not about information it is about values.

Values, including love, forgiveness, self sacrifice, the greater good, hope, acceptance and service, must be passed on.  And the passing from one generation to the next is one of the reasons the Church exists and will continue to exist.  When the Church stops passing on values and changes to a broadcast mode of information, then it fails.  Broadcasting of information without values becomes part of the hum and will die with all pet rock and the VCR.

Yes I go to Church.  It is an act of faithfulness to a value system.  Oh I love the old hymns and a well crafted sermon is a delight to my ears. Never-the-less, when you get down to it, it is more about legacy, it is more about passing something along.  It is about endurance of life.  It is about community.  It is about being a part of something that is more than elections across a screen.

What do you think?  Leave me a comment.