Category Archives: Church

Church, Personal

Sometimes enough is enough

Sometimes they pronounce it very plainly. “You are not a team player.”  Other times it is much subtler in little glances or even the lack of eye contact. The message is clear, there has been an unpublished decree from some upper room, “you don’t belong here.”  It is a subtle treatment that wears a person down over time.  It is like a rope that has been stretched and wrapped so often it has become a frayed in the middle.  The ends are still OK, but there is a fear of putting any large strain on it.  The rope might just break.

It happens to anyone who doesn’t seem to quite fit the mold, the current standard, or group expectation.  It happens to anyone who makes others squirm a little when they are confronted with someone not quite like them.  But to the maverick, to the person who is a little different, the message is as plain as if it was plastered over the announcement screen in the middle of the morning service.

Most of us can recall incidents in our lives when we felt pushed aside when we were left out; times we didn’t belong. And those memories are always painful.

It’s a lonely feeling when you know you don’t belong. I went out for freshman football in my hometown.  The school was on emergency double sessions because the main Gymnasium had burnt down during the summer.  But the bus only ran in the morning.  The practices were in the afternoon.  I was a new kid, untried and unknown.  I didn’t even know much about football.  I was separated into the “other” group.  I felt if given a chance I could well make the team.  But being segregated early set my fate.

You are welcome to attend and give of your offerings, but don’t ask to be included in any ministry.  You don’t fit into the current vision for the church.  There are some attempts to bring the stray lamb back into the fold: a text message, a canned card from the Sunday School and the like.  But really when finally understanding the tense atmosphere I was a part of it was not enough.  Nothing like the parable of Jesus in leaving the ninety-nine to find the one.

I have become an itch the leadership of the church can’t scratch, and they don’t know how to deal with it. What’s more, we aren’t willing to try. We’ll just stick to how we’ve always done things because that’s what keeps us comfortable. If you would be just a little more normal.   After all, it’s sometimes necessary to sacrifice the needs of the few for the needs of the many.“

The rest is history.

We left the church after a grueling, anxiety-riddled couple of years.

Listen carefully: if a church sends you the message that you don’t belong, then get up and go. Shake the dust off your feet and move on. They are wrong, but fighting will only make things worse. Trying to push for inclusion in a place where you’re not wanted is an exercise in futility. Accept it for what it is, feel the pain, and walk away.

There are greener pastures ahead, I assure you. There are churches and faith communities who will open their arms to you and say, “You belong here.”  That is what I yearn for.  A community of flawed people loving other flawed people.

We all need a place to belong. We need to know we’re welcomed, wanted, loved.

In a well-known passage of the gospel of Luke, a “sinful woman” brashly enters the home of a respected Pharisee during a dinner party. She breaks a jar of perfume and anoints Jesus’s feet with it, and all the guests are shocked and appalled.

“She doesn’t belong here!” they cry.

But Jesus refutes their claims and blesses her for being right where she is.

Because every single person belongs at the feet of Jesus. He never turns anyone away.

Church

Where are the white hats?

2 Comments

Right before our eyes, the church has been changed.  Once the church was considered a positive in any community.  In the early days of the West, a church was built before a school.  It was the place to be a part of the community.  It was a place where help could be found.  It was a place that was thought only as a good thing.  But today, I have seen a change.  The church has become typecast as something entirely different.

The church is pictured in the press, social media, and entertainment as an antagonist to progress.  For the casual non-believer, it is not unreasonable to view the church as actively working against advances to science, healthcare, education, politics, art, foreign policy, sexuality, and gender identity and equality.  The church is perceived as a detriment to all that is new, modern, contemporary, and understanding.  And the very institution of the Church only seems to stand up and say something is when it is against something.  Shouts of “don’t do that, don’t think that, don’t say that, don’t drink that, and don’t vote for that” is the new normal.

The church has become that anti-character or the antagonist on the world stage. The response to this typecasting is a gentle whisper.  “We can’t compromise on our values,” is the common answer from the church.  I am not saying we need to change the values of the church but to change the perception by doing something else.  That something else is to reclaim our role as a protagonist.  Become the good guy.  We need heroes, white hats, open arms, and open hearts.  No condemnation, no judgment; simply become more than a hard wall of an unbending standard.  We need to direct our attention and our zeal and our efforts to the provision of love.

We need to be a place of non-judgmental acceptance in our community.  A place where the lonely find a smile instead of a ruler.

We need to be a place where the hungry are fed and not set roadblocks.

We need to provide a place of safety.  A place of hope.  A place of fresh starts.  A place of vision.  A place where you are more likely to be mentored than taught.  A place where you are welcome in my home.  A place to share a meal and a hug.  The church is to provide a compelling vision of a better life than to coerce them into a superficial deistic moralism.  A church where you are never threatened, ensnared or bullied.  Instead, it is a place where you are pointed, challenged, exampled and released to make your own decision.

When Charlie Rose was interviewing Steve Martin about his life as an actor, he asked: “what is the best advice for new and aspiring entertainers?”  Steve Martin replied, “Be so good they can’t ignore you.”

We need a better agent to cast the church into a better role.  Not one of the bad guy wanting to steal the cattle and run away with the heroine, but the guy in the white hat that the whole community rallies around to reclaim the town.

What do you think?

Church, Ministry

Over the top leadership.

Biblically speaking, there has always been wolves within the sheepfold. In the first century church, they went by many names: false teachers, greedy for selfish gain, deceitful workmen, and ravenous wolves. Some were called Gnostics, others today we call antinomianism (look it up).  But whatever the name they specialized in hijacking congregations then abusing power.

It is the abuse of the position of headship that led to ruin. Throughout history, there have been thousands of examples of this type of undue ungodly leadership. Such pastors may use pressure tactics, political maneuvering, and/or persuasive speech to manipulate a congregation into acting on their behalf. When they don’t get their way, these controlling pastors usually either mercifully move on to another church, cause a stir in their current church, and/or blame the congregation for not following their lead. Simply put, hijacking pastors are building their own kingdom rather than Christ’s kingdom.

In my studies there are some general character traits:

  1. They never express grace to anyone not living up to their standards.
  2. Are always right and never wrong.
  3. Cannot accept criticism without becoming defensive.
  4. Are not willing to share the pulpit.
  5. Do not support other ministries.
  6. Resist accountability.
  7. Feels threatened by former pastors.
  8. Surround themselves with “yes men” rather than edifying leaders.
  9. Do not entrust ministry to other leaders.
  10. Undermine programs that they cannot control.
  11. Insist that everything in the church-run through them.

Do you have anything to add to my list?  Leave a comment.

Church, Ministry

“Control is an Illusion”

I have been in a position of leadership in several churches over the years.  I have, in retrospect, have come close to a leadership style which may well be called micromanagement or for simplicity sake MMP.  As a MMP (MicroManagement Pastor)  I could not leave things to others.  I had to put my two cents into everything.  And it was exhausting. In one church it led to my resignation because I just could not do it anymore.  The church was in a building program and I had to be there pounding nails with everyone else.  I had the ill and infirmed to visit.  I had three messages a week to prepare.  I had to put the board agenda, compose a newsletter, mock up the bulletin and go fetch the flowers for service.  Songs had to be picked out.  And on and on and on.  I wanted to control the minutia and the total.

I have yet to find anyone who likes a MMP; not even the MMP himself.  There are those who need close oversight and crave for direction but ultimately hate it.  The reason why it is so hated is that is just annoying. It’s overbearing. A MMP among Christian leaders reflects poorly on our faith and the gospel. It doesn’t work, and that’s mainly because it’s not the way God designed things to work.

To try and lead this way is a failure to lead.  It is just the far wrong end of the stick.  True leaders, whether in business, church or any other environment, should be empowering.  True leaders should set others up to succeed.  It is providing the tools for excellence.  When leadership in a church bears all the burden of success or failure, that leaders undermine all those that are being led.  It takes away their opportunities to shine and never shows them a way forward. Instead of raising up new talent and new leaders it suppresses both and limits everyone’s effectiveness.

President Truman had a plaque on his desk; “THE BUCK STOPS HERE.” There has to be a place where the life of the church guided.   Micromanagers don’t realize they are making life harder for others. These MMPs cannot or will not see the damage they are causing. They don’t see the damage they are causing to themselves. By taking on all the burden of work instead of empowering others to do it well, a MMP is stockpiling stress and burden. If the inclination is to do all the work instead of helping others do it then maybe being in a position of leadership is the wrong fit.

I believe God has uniquely gifted every person. Leaders are tasked with seeing those gifts, feeding them, and giving people room to use them.  It is not seeing what needs to be done and trying to fit someone into it. It is not creating a graph of the jobs of the church and squeezing someone into each vacant spot.  I would rather have Godly filled and talented people do what they are meant to do than one hundred people doing something because of my perception of a need. It is God’s job provide gifts and the Christian’s job to use those gifts for the furtherance of the church.  MMPs either cannot or will not do this. They see people as tools to be moved as chess pieces or foolish sheep to be shepherded. They cannot recognize that the people under them may be better at certain tasks and responsibilities and that this is a good thing! Those serving under a micromanager cannot reach the potential God has imbued them with until they are free to use their gifts. Micromanagers stand in their way.

It boils down to a trust issue.  If the leader can’t trust people to do what they have been empowered for and gifted to do, it is not just a point of view toward people.  It is a lack of trust in God. The MMP reflects a lack of grace.  It is a headstrong disconnected view of God’s grace and mercy.  Grace and mercy in the church is allowing someone to do the best possible.  It is not an expectation of perfection.  Grace is giving responsibility and space to those who are flawed and might well fail.  When a leader can’t give any leeway to try new things or take some risks it is a lack of grace. However, when leaders show that aspect of grace, people under them feel both safe and free to pursue great things. Grace allows bigger things to be accomplished where the MMP crushes them.

What do you think?  Leave a comment.

Church, Ministry

Church Leadership Limits

There is a broad spectrum of churches.  Some are defined by their theology, some by the worship style, some are characterized by their denominational ties, and some are simply the delegated church of a community.  At issue today is those churches that have become a mirror of a personality.  Yes, the church should be patterned after the personality and person of Christ, but not after a personality of a worship leader, pastor, or preacher.  When a single person becomes the only one making decisions when everything from the who will teach a Sunday School class to what will be sung in the worship service it is a harbinger of what could well become a cult.

To what extent should the leadership of a church control or limit the freedom of its members?

Guidelines here:

  1. The absolute authority within the church and the individual Christian is God. All other authority is subordinate.
  2. All Christians live in a society and have responsibilities to others.  Never-the-less, it is to God alone that we are primarily accountable and responsible.  It is not our families or friends or church or community or society that will be our ultimate judge.
  3. There is a tension between the encouragement to follow spiritual leaders and the individual liberty that Christians must retain in Christ.  A Christian should not allow liberty to become license or irresponsibility, but do all out of love for others.
  4. A leader must first be a servant. The leader should be the first to get his hands dirty. The leader must be the first when someone is in need.  The leader must be standing at the ready to do whatever is asked.
  5. The New Testament says little about church leaders insisting and demanding obedience from their fellow-believers.
  6. There are definite limits to the authority of church leaders.  For example, a leader does not have the right to tell people how to live their personal lives.  Christians should not accept domination, exploitation, manipulation or any kind of spiritual abuse.  In morally indifferent matters, where there is no clear statement in Scripture, everyone must be free to live according to his own conscience.  However, individual freedom should be regulated by love.
  7. The Church exists in union with God through Jesus Christ.  It consists of believers-in- community as Christ’s living body whose primary loyalty is to God through Jesus Christ, not to the leaders themselves.  It is a living organism rather than an organization.
  8. The ideal is ministry by community to achieve corporate maturity.  Ministry belongs to the whole church.  Although there was an organized leadership of elders (bishops) and deacons in the NT churches, there does not seem to be any gap between the “clergy” and the “laity”.  Rather all those with spiritual gifts, including the gift of leadership, are called to equip all believers for mature discipleship and service.
  9. The five key ministries of apostle, prophet, evangelist, pastor, and teacher, collectively provide a healthy spiritual diet for any church, if they are held in balance (Ephesians 4:11).

 

What do you think?  Leave a comment.

Church

Why Church?  Post three.

Why Church?  Post three.

I just received new input to my question as to the why or why not of church attendance.  I am still trying to digest it but it does point to the second-most reason for attending church or, conversely why they don’t. Being accepted as an individual.

I confess that all this stuff is based upon a very imprecise methodology, but never-the-less this strong current seems to push its way through the seemingly calm waters of church attendance.  There is an unspoken expectation of conformity within the church. There are unspoken guidelines that are placed upon everyone that attends.  If the leader of worship asks everyone to stand, it is expected that all will stand, even if it causes pain.  If there is a special offering for whatever is the cause of the day, there is an expectation that all will give.  If the unstated theology of the church states you will vote and vote a specific way, there is an expectation that you will.  Every church seems to have a set of rules that must be conformed to.  I have seen theological statements made on literally hundreds of church websites that spell out to the last detail of who is God and what He expects.  There is little space for individuality. It is conformity or nothing.  There is no room for being unique.  As one respondent wrote, “People are messy.” The attainment of perfection as defined by the church crowd is not attainable.  It is a moving target.  One person expects one behavior and another expects something different.  And when one person steps out of line, pressure is applied to bring them back into conformity.

The very expectation of conformity squeezes out the individual.  This expectation of conformity also unleashes comparison, judgment, and hypocrisy.  It leaves little room for me to live, breath, or to be my own person.  When I try to be the unique me, my acceptance in the church is in jeopardy.  Sure, the church is full of unique people, but there is a constant pressure to conform to the perfect image of what a Christian should be.  Or at least what the current envisionment of what a Christian should be.

In my research, this is often characterized as “the church is a bunch of hypocrites.”  Hypocrites because of this internal expectation of conformity is not even held to by those who expect it in everyone else.

People who are accepted in their individuality like church.  They are valued for their uniqueness. People what to be what God has made them, not what the expectations of others would have them be.  There is no predetermined mold for what we should be.  A church that accepts the way we are and all our idiosyncrasies, warts and all, is the church where you are welcome and is a joy to attend.

Church

Why do people go to church? Part 1

I recently used Facebook to enlist some help in understanding why my family and friends attend church. Some took the opportunity to unleash a long missive about what God is, while others presented me with one-line answers. Out of this input and independent research, I have found some specific lines of thought. Of the ten or so reasons this is the first:

People attend church to find community. In church speak it is called fellowship or small group interactions. Life in our current society has become full of plastic relationships. A hand shake here or there is not enough. Getting 30 likes on Facebook is not enough. A serial email, composed by a professional and splattered with canned clip art is not enough. People are looking for deep, communal, loyal and authentic relationships. Christianity was never meant to be lived in a cloistered, isolated, solitary lifestyle. When church members, God-fearing members, supportive of all the ministries of the church members can’t find community they lose interest in all else. People have an inherent need for meaningful relationships. When a church learns to nurture community, it becomes a place of joy. If the church neglects this vital part of love and acceptance, church will become just one more thing on the list that just sucks the life out of you.

I have experienced both types of churches: one that focuses on fellowship and ones that seem to legislate or even encourage the one stop shop of worship without caring. Too many good and faithful Christians are tired of the investment of emotional energy into churches that don’t build a culture that values authentic community.

More to come. What do you think?

Church, Ramblings

Why Church?

I am at a place in my life where I wonder about the things in my life in which I have invested so much.  It is sort of a high-level second-guessing of all the decisions made in my life.  You know what I am saying here because you have been there yourself.  You feel regret that you could have spent more time with the more important things and less time watching others do the things you should have done.

This second-guessing reaches into every part of my history.  Everything from wearing a hat in the sun to prevent skin cancers, to my propensity to eat too much, to the time spent taking naps, and even to the time and effort to go to church.

It is this last question that has me in a quandary today.  Once I started to wonder about the efficacy of church, I went down a rat hole questioning about my current church role.  I must ask myself (not always a very intelligent conversation), “Is the institution which I have a membership and attend regularly, the place for me.”  In my current point in my life, is it worth the time, talent and treasure, I am pouring into an address?

I am fully aware this self-introspection sounds a little weird coming from someone that has already invested so much.  I have been the one crying, cajoling, begging, pleading, bribing and dragging others to the church most of my adult life. I have been the one who stood between heaven and hell for a number of people.  I have told countless souls of the necessity of being part of the Body of Christ.  I have quoted scripture after scripture, hoping to sway someone to come to church.

Never-the-less, here I am wondering if it was all worth it.  It was once said, “there is no perfect church as long as I am in it.”  I think it was Mark Twain that said, “I would not want to join any group that would want me.”  It really gets down to why do thoughtful, believing, serious people attend my local church in the first place.

I need some help.  I very seldom ask for assistance, I see myself as being very capable and able to handle most things.  Here is the task:  If you go to church, tell me why, if you don’t go to church, tell me why.  I am writing something for publication and outside of the normal everyday reasons and sometimes trite quotes, I want real feelings and real reasons why.  Please pass this on to all that would be willing to add their two cents.  Thank you.

Church, Music

A fundamental concern

I am open to change, I may not like everything that change brings, but I am willing to give it a chance.  I know that I have written on this subject before but here I go again.  It is about the new music in the church.  To me they all sound the same.  And I really don’t get the seemingly lack of theology.  I am old school.  If it is in the hymnal then it is what we should be singing.  But it just isn’t so.

I would fully suppose that the great hymns of the church were considered as out of the main stream when they were first introduced. I can imagine a congregation of devout and staid parishioners singing “It is well with my soul” for the first time and wondering if was a little out there.  Today’s music may well be tomorrow’s hymns.  Never-the-less, that does not quench the fire I have for “I stand amazed in the presence of the Nazarene” or “Victory in Jesus”.

There are two reasons for including a good old anthem of the church once and while.

First is the desire of the people to sing things familiar and now evoke great memories of revivals and spiritual victories. It is what the staid and true folk has heard are used to. To disregard or discount that desire is saying to them we simply do not have any concern about you.  Your preferences are not the current paths that the worship team has chosen. While these foundational songs of the past may not be easy to sing and some may not readily fit into the music being used in a contemporary setting, there is still a place for them.  Love calls for an effort to include some of these “Hymns” into the even the most energetic contemporary music genre.

The second reason is these pieces have passed the test of time. They’ve been used in the church for hundreds of years, surviving because there is something special about them. Disregarding that group of hymns means throwing out gold. Twenty years from now, the contemporary music will go through the slow and imperceptible winnowing process. Some songs I sang as contemporary music twenty years ago were not good enough to stimulate worship.  They no longer met the requirement of catching people’s hearts. Not all the Gaither music back then will ever be song in a hundred years if the Lord does not come back first.

Whoever plans the music for your church needs to plan for the very best.  That plan needs to include all the people.  It is a constant art for finding the right note for the right moment. Some may well be a hundred years old or the newest praiseworthy song from Hillsong. We must try for what helps all the people in the congregation to worship. It’s not an easy task, but it’s fundamental concern; for the life of the church, the whole church.

Church, Ministry, Ramblings

The CHURCH as a business?

I have seen and lived two worlds: the world of church and the world of business.  The disturbing point is when a church starts to act like a business.  This hybrid diminishes the Godly center for the external edge.  Pastors start to act like Chief Executive Officers marketing Jesus as a product. The Bible uses many colorful words to describe the church. It’s a family, a body, a fellowship, a holy people, a flock, and more.  However, it is never described as a business.

It’s not that there are no business aspects to leading a local church or denomination. Much like a family is better off when we manage our money and time more effectively, most pastors would serve Jesus, their church and their families better if we used good business principles to manage our time, energy and resources more efficiently, too.  But using wise business principles is not the same as running a church as though it was a business.

There are many things and/or attitudes that are simply wrong.

  1. A business is always about customers and sales. In too many churches, we tell our “guests” to sit back, relax and enjoy the service”, to be consumers of the heavenly juice that will be provided on que and in four-four time.  We provide the best coffee, the perfect temperature, the songs are on key, the sermon never exceeds the allotted time, and the pews are always padded.  There is little to challenge or, (heaven forbid) make our customers uncomfortable by talking about repentance and sin. While there’s a lot of finger-pointing at the rise of a consumer culture in new, seeker-friendly churches, the customer model happens in churches of all types. Big and small, old-school and new-school, high and low liturgy, denominational and nondenominational. Church members are not supposed to be passive customers. We’re supposed to be active participants in the ministry of the church.
  2. A business has a leadership hierarchy. Either the Pastor is the Chief Executive Officer with all its responsibilities and authority, or the Church Board wields this big stick. If the he pastor is seen and acts like he is the owner or manager, the membership feels restrained in doing anything without the CEO’s permission. When the pastor acts like they own the church, church members will either push back, give in, or leave.
    Conversely, if it is the board that is the ultimate business owner it is just as problematic. That form of church governing isn’t wrong (the church I pastor requires congregational approval for big decisions), but when it’s abused – as any good thing can be – the church members become more like passive investors demanding a return for their money. Board membership becomes more important than actual servanthood, pastors are afraid to take a potentially unpopular stand, and actual ministry grinds to a halt under the heavy hand of procedures and pettiness.
    Either extreme business model there is no expectation or encouragement to think outside of the stated and codified business statement. The result? Burnt out pastors and shallow members.
  3. A business is accountable only to shareholders. In every church, there is a special group of default members.  Those in this group could well be classified as shareholders.  They have been in the church since it began, they have paid their dues, they have served in every capacity possible, they have their own pew, and are the first to disapprove of any behavior that is not what they perceive to be within the norm.  They seem to hold sway over all.  Their displeasure is felt both in the offering plate and gossip. “Why does the (fill in the blank) do it my way?”
  4. Perhaps the biggest problem with these three skewed visions of the church is how we treat (or ignore) Jesus. If anyone in the church is acting like a boss, they’re crowding out the place where Jesus should be Lord. And when church members act like customers, they’re missing out on the extraordinary joy of serving Jesus.  Prayer is more important than process.  Servanthood in more important that bi-laws.  Faith is more important than fidelity to fragile feelings.

Businesses have employees and customers. The church has family members. Businesses have bosses. The church has a Lord. A head. A savior. And a king.

Comments?