Category Archives: Personal

Church, Personal, Psycolog

Family, family, family

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I have a grand-daughter that started a performance ritual a few years back.  Whenever an occasion arose to have all the relatives in one place, she would have all of us gather together in a big circle and hold hands. She would then start the swinging of hands repeating, “Family, Family, Family.” This little act of coming together as a family was from an inner desire to touch and feel a part of something more than herself.  I believe there is a need deep down within every human to want to be included in a family.  For adults, there is a need to create a family and within that an intrinsic feeling of love, of creation or a desire to leave something behind.

It would be easy for a secular family to put the family in a priority level from first to a much lower position.  Some people can’t have a bunch of kids.  Others simply don’t want children.  The social climate we live in seems to encourage family: deductions on our income tax, public support of schools for children, there is even special medical coverage for children that is not available for adults.

In the sphere of Christianity, where does this intersect with the family of God? Many Christians rightly say that God loves family. All throughout Scripture, families are given the task of rearing children in the Lord. Husbands and wives are commanded to be faithful to one another, and children to their parents. Paul writes that “Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Tim. 5:8).  Conversely, Jesus said, “If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple” (Luke 14:26).

Following Jesus means belonging to two families, a natural family, and a faith family. Unlike His surrounding culture, what is most important to Jesus is the faith family: “Pointing to his disciples, he said, ‘Here are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother’” (Matt. 12:46–50).

Jesus’ call to join a new family generates an unavoidable loyalty conflict. Which family do I now owe my ultimate loyalty?  It is a dilemma which is not easily overcome.  We go through life as a Christian hoping that the test of our ultimate loyalty will not have to be faced.

So where does the Christian put the personal family and God’s family into the hierarchy of priorities?  Does the ranking and rating system of our beliefs require us to make a choice?  It is easy to put God first on our list: the issue arises when we must decide who to put in number two place: God’s family or my family.

While our natural families are still the most significant earthly relationships we have, we must learn to situate our natural families under an umbrella of the family of God—not as distinct social entities competing for time and attention but as members of the same family.

As Barna president David Kinnaman said,

Cultivating intergenerational relationships is one of the most important ways in which effective faith communities are developing flourishing faith in both young and old. In many churches, this means changing the metaphor from simply passing the baton to the next generation to a more functional, biblical picture of a body—that is, the entire community of faith, across the entire lifespan, working together to fulfill God’s purposes.

For those who don’t have a natural family, for those who choose not to have a natural family, for those who have lost their natural family, I have an invitation.  That invitation is to find a better family, a more important family, the family of God.

When we all gather together as a body of believers we need to grab and hand a repeat after my little grand-daughter and proclaim “Family, Family, Family.”  We should do it because there is no real separation between God and his family.

Life, Motivation, Personal, Psycolog

Transmission fluid and hamburgers.

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The only being that is completely self-sufficient is God, all others must and are driven to consume.  If you don’t, you die.  Whether it is good for you vegetables, or not so good for you half-pound hamburger covered with cheese and accompanied by greasy fried potatoes, you will consume.  Again, this is a motive or a decision point that you must come to order for you to live.  The desire to incorporate something outside of yourself is neither right or wrong, it is part of being God’s creation.  We come into the realm of good and bad is when we start making the decision as to how to satiate that desire.

I just pulled the bottom pan from a Dodge Dakota pickup transmission.  I was careful not to spill the slightly blackened, red fluid all over myself and the concrete behind my house.  It is my decision whether I pour it down the storm drain, or to pour it into the properly sealed container and take it down to the recycle center. It is my choice to do the responsible thing or the other way.  But it all boils down to what is my Christian responsibility.  What would God ask me to do with four quarts of used oil?

Sunday’s sermon, which did not include anything about used oil, helps me make the decision.  The preacher said, “I like the Savior part of Jesus, I have problems with the Lord part.”  I am saved by grace.  The Lord loves me, and I can’t stop Him from doing that act of love.  But, with my conversion, I have a responsibility to make decisions as He would have me make.  It is about who is in control.  It is about who is leading.  It is about who knows the correct path.  So what does this have to do with used petroleum products?  Two things:  Stewardship, and responsibility.

Adam and Eve’s first test before God, even before the forbidden fruit, was to take responsibility for the earth. It wasn’t an add-in later, it was not a sideline to be figured out when they had the time or the inclination.  It was a foundational understanding and requirement given to these two humans.  They were to be caretakers or stewards. Sometimes God limits Himself by letting his work become the responsibility of people. “I made this garden for you, it is perfect, it is filled with all kinds of animals, it has all that you need to consume, but it is your responsibility to keep it in order.” Or as the Message says, “God blessed them; Prosper! Reproduce! Fill Earth! Take charge!  Be responsible for fish in the sea and birds in the air, for every living thing that moves on the face of Earth.”

The sovereign ruler of the universe and all human affairs gave Adam and Eve the job of a steward.  But more than that He gave them responsibility for the outcome. That responsibility for keeping a watchful eye over and active participation in the guarding and nurture of the world that they lived in.  We are, as Christians, directly responsible for the current state of our environment.

The earth and all life in it and on it are gifts from God.  They are to be shared and developed.  They are not there to be exploited.  Our actions have moral consequences.  The goods of the earth and the beauty of the world around us are to be enjoyed and even celebrated as well as being consumed. We have a responsibility, as much as lays within us, to be good stewards and take direct responsibility for the outcomes.  We must consider the generations to come when we make our decisions on consumption.

I will dispose of my used automatic transmission oil responsibility, not because I owe allegiance to a mother earth society, but because it is demanded of me by my Lord.

Comments.  Suggestions.  Rebuttal?

Bible Study, Life, Personal, Psycolog

Curiosity and the cat

What is so wrong with wanting to know something?  What is it that makes us have curiosity? Babies touch and place things in their mouths, all to know more about their small environment.  Curiosity is simply learning for learning’s sake.  It is wanting to understand ourselves and others.  It is wondering why things work.  Curiosity is a tendency to explore and know new things. We see people indulge in a traveling to look at new places, new things and new developments taking place outside their environment.

But it can also get us into trouble.  Eve could not resist eating of the fruit of the forbidden tree in the Garden of Eden.  Lot’s wife could not stop herself from looking back on the destruction of the Sodom and Gamora. In Greek mythology, Pandora opened the box and let loose evil, sickness, and unhappiness. Early religious thinkers thought curiosity was sinful because a lust for knowledge was an attribute reserved for God.

Never-the-less it drives me.  I never seem to have enough knowledge.  I never seem to have enough information about a situation to decide on the alternatives.  And when I do make a choice of the viable options, I am not satisfied and continue to research and consequently second guess myself.  Frustrating.

Further, all this knowledge can well become a detriment to reasonable discussion.  I have been accused of being a know-it-all.  Even though I am constantly bombarded with questions, primarily because I usually have an answer, sometimes I just guess to display my mastery of all that is important.

Two ideas here in defense of the natural desire or motive of curiosity: It can open ourselves to God and it is a perfect solution to judgment.

Yes, curiosity killed the cat, but it does open the greatest discovery of all.  The New American Standard Bible states in 2 Timothy 2:15, “Be diligent to present yourself approved to God as a workman who does not need to be ashamed, handling accurately the word of truth.”  Study of the Word of God can very well lead to the approval of God.  Curiosity can well point to God.

It is not as if God is standing well off our path of life and we must let our curiosity motivate a search hither and yon to find him. God is already at our door gently, patiently waiting for your curiosity to open the door.

The next time you start judging someone or some act, turn on the curiosity.  Ask yourself why that person or that act happened.  Put yourself in their shoes.  Ask questions of the why of the action or expression.  The very act of curiosity can well cause us to reassess our own judgmental attitude.

What do you think?  Add a comment.

Personal, Psycolog, Uncategorized

Acceptance

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“Larry, you are just too loud.”

People have said this to me constantly throughout my life.  I have been told that my brashness and overbearing attitudes need a little “softening”.  I tried to meter myself most of my life, but the same comments seem to be whispered where ever I go. It was OK to be a little loud as a kid, never-the-less as an adult it sometimes simply becomes too much.  Those around me, in meetings and gatherings, would simply interrupt my pontification and not let me finish my thought because I was monopolizing the conversation.  These efforts and comments seem to motivate me to get a little louder, a little more vociferous to make my point.

The older I get, all these gentle nudges, comments, and queues, the more frustrated I have become.  Why do my helpers always want to change me?  Do they think I can just flip a switch and become someone else?  Is there some magic button I can push to make myself more acceptable to those around me? If it were that simple.  I want to be accepted as I am.  I desire to be accepted.  I try to meter my speech sometimes just to get along.  But every effort to put on that mask for someone else, causes me to suffer.

I want to be appreciated.  I want people to include me. I want people to like me.  I want to be accepted for who I am.

Acceptance as a motivator or a desire has its good side and its bad side.  Acceptance as a desire or a motivator is a common thread in all.  We post on Facebook in the hope someone might just respond with acceptance.  We drive at or slightly above the speed limit because it is the accepted behavior.  It feels good when a compliment comes your way pertaining an idea or an effort of yours.  It warms your heard when someone goes out of their way to acknowledge your being a part of their lives.

On the other, more dark side, it can lead to judgments without examinations.  It can lead to shame used as a whip to bring someone into line with their expectations. Acceptance can be a very negative motivator when it becomes the only sign of self-worth.  Acceptance can be very negative when it is used against you.  Acceptance is terrible when it is the only thing that motivates you.  Acceptance by others can become the only measuring rod of your life, the only thing that marks your being loved.

So, hear me when I say to you:

You are a human being, you are an image-bearer of the Most High God.

You are accepted here.

You belong to this earth.

You belong at the feet of Jesus and are accepted.

You belong within and are accepted by a community of like-minded believers.

You deserve to be accepted for who you are.  Don’t let the rejecters and judgments of others tell you different.  Don’t buy into their schemes and lies.  You are accepted by God.

The Lord is my Shepherd, and that is all I need.

Comments?

Life, Personal, Psycolog, Ramblings

The why of the what.

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Why do you do the things you do? Why do you react to some people one way and others in another?  What causes me to want to go to a church that fills me with joy or even go to church in the first place?  What inner voice drives me to learn and share that learning?  Why do I write or even write about the subjects I do?  For that matter, why do I keep asking questions like these?  Others seem to ignore the why and are more concerned about the what.

To this end, I have researched and studied and digested numerous sources all the way from Maslow’s hierarchy of needs to Herzberg’s two-factor theory. I have self-analyzed myself to a point of frustration.

In the next couple of weeks, I plan to address what makes me, and for that matter, you and everyone else, what seems to motivate our actions.  Further, I will include the direct relationship to each of our motivations to God and how we choose to serve Him.

Prior to addressing the nine motives or desires, I have set specific criteria to each.  First criteria for each motive or desire is that it is amoral.  That is there is no cause for judgment in having one of these motives or desires.  The desires of the body are morally neutral.  Second is that each of these desires or motives can and often lead to moral decisions.  The why will turn to what.  Thirdly, our moral decisions based on these desires can be good, holy, and Godly.  Conversely, our moral decisions can be bad, sinful and ungodly. Lastly, as humans, we all have these motives or desires to one degree or other.  To ignore any of them is to ignore what God has put in us and how God made us.

So this is where I am going:

  1. Acceptance
  2. Curiosity
  3. Consumption
  4. Family
  5. Honor
  6. Idealism
  7. Independence
  8. Order
  9. Love
Life, Personal, Uncategorized, Worship

Expectation and Miracles

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There is a joke that goes something like this: Two people fell off a high skyscraper.  One was an optimist the other a pessimist.  You could hear them as they fell down to an adjacent river. The pessimist was screaming and cursing as he fell.  The optimist could be heard as he passed each floor, “So far so good.”

So many people do not like to raise their expectations because they do not want to be disappointed.  “Don’t pray for healing, just pray that the doctors will know what to do.”  I believe that God will only intercede where there is faith. Faith is an expectation, an understanding of who God is and what He is capable of.  And it is this expectation that, in turn, increased our faith. Our faith level rises to the level of our expectation.

If you expect nothing, you will get nothing!  Praying for others is important to both me and God.  Never-the-less, the expectation of the person needing the miracle is even more important. I learned many years ago not to pray for a miracle if a person doesn’t have the faith or desire one. It is not that my prayer of faith can’t promote a miracle, but when the miracle does happen, the receiver reduces it by their doubt.

If you need a miracle, you need to pray in expectation.  Remove the doubt, remove the lack of expectation and pray in faith believing. Come into his presence with faith believing with no lack of expectation.  Get pumped up for God’s outflowing.

WHAT ARE YOU BELIEVING FOR THIS WEEK?

John 14:13-14, And whatever you ask in My name, that I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. 14 If you ask anything in My name, I will do it.

Comments?

Life, Personal, Politics

Current Culture is stealing our individuality

Time for my soapbox. Now, this is my opinion, but I have a problem with a culture that would say the giant collective has all the answers. It is a utopian vision of completeness in the here and now. The current culture pushes that there are answers to all the ills of our world and that answer is within reach through a change of culture. The philosophy being pushed by the current culture of self-sufficiency may well sound perfect, progressive, liberal, and people-centric. But with it this philosophy carries away with it control of our individuality. And that is what is so scary. As individuals, the more we provide the resources and authority to the establishment to do what they think is best, we also give up our own freedoms. Individually you don’t know what you are doing collectively.

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Bible, Life, Ministry, Personal, Sermon Illustration

Toll of rejection

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Being rejected more than once can be a bruise that will not heal quickly.  It seems to linger on until the next blow or rejection.  Sometimes you get to a point where you don’t feel quite as bad.  It becomes an acceptance of the off-color places in your soul.  It can even get to a place where you feel as though you deserve the abuse.  You feel like you don’t belong in the mainstream.  That you belong on the outside edge.  A place where you expect a disapproval.

In the Bible, a person like this would have been called unclean.  You start to feel like an outcast. You just want to give up.  You don’t want to be around those who tell you over and over, “You don’t belong here.”

Then comes the story from the Old Testament.  He was the son of Jonathan, who was the son of King Saul, Israel’s first king. You see Mephibosheth was disabled.  Both of his feet were useless.  In those days he would be called an outcast, a mistake, a person who didn’t belong.

When King David invited him and the rest of the family to join him to eat with him, he reacted just like someone who had been rejected so many times before.

In response to the invitation of King David, he hung his head down low and Mephibosheth said, “Who am I that you pay attention to a stray dog like me?” 2 Samuel 9:8.  You see rejection had taken its levy on his heart.  He could not see himself in the presence of the King, let alone eat with him. He had taken all the worlds opinion of him and deep down in his soul, he didn’t think himself worthy to be acknowledged, let alone invited in.

The church is becoming the instigator of pointing fingers at the different, the ones that don’t quite fit the mold.  And in response, those who need acceptance and love the most have started to believe the lies that they don’t belong. That they don’t matter. That the “church” will never have a place for them.

And yet King David, the man after God’s own heart, was not deterred. He insisted to Mephibosheth: “You belong here.”

And the story goes: Mephibosheth lived in Jerusalem, taking all his meals at the king’s table. He was lame on both feet.” 2 Samuel 9:13

Christians, churches, humanity — this must be our attitude toward anyone  and toward any person or group whom society has deemed “less than.” The fringes of society, the ones who are rejected turned away and told they don’t belong.

We must — like King David — insist otherwise.

Because if you are a human being, then you are indeed an image-bearer of the Most High God. So hear me when I say: You belong here.  You belong on this earth.  You belong at the King’s table.  You belong at the feet of Jesus.

Comments?

Church, Personal

Sometimes enough is enough

Sometimes they pronounce it very plainly. “You are not a team player.”  Other times it is much subtler in little glances or even the lack of eye contact. The message is clear, there has been an unpublished decree from some upper room, “you don’t belong here.”  It is a subtle treatment that wears a person down over time.  It is like a rope that has been stretched and wrapped so often it has become a frayed in the middle.  The ends are still OK, but there is a fear of putting any large strain on it.  The rope might just break.

It happens to anyone who doesn’t seem to quite fit the mold, the current standard, or group expectation.  It happens to anyone who makes others squirm a little when they are confronted with someone not quite like them.  But to the maverick, to the person who is a little different, the message is as plain as if it was plastered over the announcement screen in the middle of the morning service.

Most of us can recall incidents in our lives when we felt pushed aside when we were left out; times we didn’t belong. And those memories are always painful.

It’s a lonely feeling when you know you don’t belong. I went out for freshman football in my hometown.  The school was on emergency double sessions because the main Gymnasium had burnt down during the summer.  But the bus only ran in the morning.  The practices were in the afternoon.  I was a new kid, untried and unknown.  I didn’t even know much about football.  I was separated into the “other” group.  I felt if given a chance I could well make the team.  But being segregated early set my fate.

You are welcome to attend and give of your offerings, but don’t ask to be included in any ministry.  You don’t fit into the current vision for the church.  There are some attempts to bring the stray lamb back into the fold: a text message, a canned card from the Sunday School and the like.  But really when finally understanding the tense atmosphere I was a part of it was not enough.  Nothing like the parable of Jesus in leaving the ninety-nine to find the one.

I have become an itch the leadership of the church can’t scratch, and they don’t know how to deal with it. What’s more, we aren’t willing to try. We’ll just stick to how we’ve always done things because that’s what keeps us comfortable. If you would be just a little more normal.   After all, it’s sometimes necessary to sacrifice the needs of the few for the needs of the many.“

The rest is history.

We left the church after a grueling, anxiety-riddled couple of years.

Listen carefully: if a church sends you the message that you don’t belong, then get up and go. Shake the dust off your feet and move on. They are wrong, but fighting will only make things worse. Trying to push for inclusion in a place where you’re not wanted is an exercise in futility. Accept it for what it is, feel the pain, and walk away.

There are greener pastures ahead, I assure you. There are churches and faith communities who will open their arms to you and say, “You belong here.”  That is what I yearn for.  A community of flawed people loving other flawed people.

We all need a place to belong. We need to know we’re welcomed, wanted, loved.

In a well-known passage of the gospel of Luke, a “sinful woman” brashly enters the home of a respected Pharisee during a dinner party. She breaks a jar of perfume and anoints Jesus’s feet with it, and all the guests are shocked and appalled.

“She doesn’t belong here!” they cry.

But Jesus refutes their claims and blesses her for being right where she is.

Because every single person belongs at the feet of Jesus. He never turns anyone away.

Life, Personal

What I do is what I do.

Sometimes I am simply overwhelmed by those who would drag me into a mindset that is just not where God would have me be.  I hear a million voices all crying in my ear to dissuade me from what I should be and what I should do. Do this, do that, give here, drive this, eat this, and so on. These voices tell me I should be something I am not. And because I am not what they think I should be or do what they would have me do, they fully expect me to feel guilty.  Their guilt trips are saunters I refuse to take.

My actions need to be metered by a firm foundation.   I believe the foundation stone of my life is God.  “My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus blood and righteousness.  I dare not trust the sweetest sound, but wholly lean on Jesus’ name.”  He is unchangeable and my rock.

The second layer in my life cake is my morals.  Morals are those beliefs lines of behavior that set boundaries for me to live.  They, while not as rock hard as my foundation, but are based upon my foundation.  This morality dictates my actions and things I allow in my life. My morals are things I will not do, and the things I will not allow in my life.  Conversely, my morals show me what I can do and what I need in my life. They are very limited in scope and set by my understanding of God.  God does not change and therefore my morals do not change without long study and a fresh revelation of God’s will for my life.

On top of my morals are my ethics.  Ethics are based on the society in which I find community.  Like Paul to the Corinthians said about eating meat sacrificed to idols: if your brother is offended by it don’t have that meat for dinner.  In polite society, we crop our words to not offend, though the words themselves do not breach our moral compass.  While serving at our local food pantry serving those who don’t have food to eat, I don’t wear my “Make America Great Again” hat or eat a candy bar, because it might cause hard feelings. Never-the-less I still bought the hat and I enjoy a good chocolate once in a while.

The last level of my behavior and actions is my preferences.  These are determined by me.  As long as they do not hurt others, as long as they don’t violate my moral understandings, and as long as they are not an affront to the God I serve, I can do what I prefer.  It is not a willful breaking of God’s will, or my moral compass, or my ethical forbearance. My preference is my want to do and when I do it, it is good.

At issue is that the aforementioned million voices want to dictate my actions which are in my preference area, and push them into the ethics area.  Furthermore, they would push my ethics down to the moral and my moral area away from my God the foundation.  What’s more, they would do it in the name of humanity, globalization, political correctness, awareness, and whatever is the current issue of the day.

The voices cry out, “If we could all just become one, if we could get rid of our borders and prideful nationalism—sit at one table and get along, we could put our heads together and solve the problems. We could end world hunger; we could put an end to all the bloodshed and warfare. We could make this world a better place.”

I can understand how many would think that way and wonder how anyone could question it. If I have a new awareness of the terrible in my world, I should change my preferences. They would dictate what car I drive because doing so will save the planet.  I should give to every cause because I have so much.  We need to open our borders to everyone because the U.S. has always been a nation of immigrants. We need to install a sense of globalization; there is no need for borders.

All good thoughts.  But my God tells me the earth will be done away with someday and that I cannot save it.  All my personal preferences will not stop the end of the world.  I have a charge to do what I can and I do work and provide for the poor around me.  I give to those affected by great disasters in my country.  I feel the pain of those who are hurt around the world.  I give where I can.  But in reality it does not make that much of a difference.  Yet the Bible tells us that in the last days a globalization movement will produce just the opposite of all that. It will produce wars and famine and terrible suffering throughout the world like never before. In the book of Revelations, we see a globalization movement in both the political and religious world and it cannot be stopped.

So all those who would like my time or talent or treasure, make your pitch, I will listen and feel your pain and passion, but  if I don’t do something about it, it does not mean that I don’t care, it is just my preference which is following my ethics, which is following my morals, based upon the revelation of God.

I Timothy 4:1-5

But the Spirit explicitly says that in later times some will [a]fall away from the faith, paying attention to deceitful spirits and doctrines of demons, 2 by means of the hypocrisy of liars seared in their own conscience as with a branding iron, 3men who forbid marriage and advocate abstaining from foods which God has created to be gratefully shared in by those who believe and know the truth.

 4 For everything created by God is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with gratitude; 5 for it is sanctified by means of the word of God and prayer. (Italics added by me)

What do you think,  add a comment.