Organization has never been my strongest attribute of character.  Once in a while I stop and try to get some semblance to order to my chaos. Today was the day I was to organize all my written sermons, ideas, thought starters, taxes, vehicle registrations, vacation plans, research, church notes, books, notebooks, music CDs, books, coats, hats, computer stuff, and the list goes on.  At least that was the goal.  I find myself stopping and reading it all. It is tough for me to throw away a magazine that is over a year old; I read it through one more time.  Another hour gone in my quest for the grand scheme of order.

Once organized, I tell myself, I will be able to find anything I want.  No more searching, no more quests for something that I know exists in my ethereal universe.

Then in the middle of it all, I ask myself, “Larry, what is the why of the effort?”  Order is the internal desire for organization, cleanliness, and routine.   It brings an inner feeling of stability.  It is a need for control of the uncontrollable.

My father was changed drastically by the second world war.  His life for three years was always in jeopardy.  He was regular Navy stationed on merchant ships crossing the Atlantic in constant fear of an unseen enemy in a submarine.  He brought that disorder of his very existence by controlling his personal space.  He often said to me when he came into my room as a child, “everything has a place, and everything should be in that space.”  Order for the moment created a space of control and with that little space was a sense of peace.

The desire for organization is there to find order amid my chaos. My desire, my inner urge is to overcome the lack of control that is exhibited in my office.  So here I sit writing when I should be sorting.  I wrote last month of the inner desire of curiosity.  The inner urge to know more.  But the negative side of curiosity is all the clutter it makes.  I must buy more computer memory and hard drive space to hold all my thoughts.  My curiosity is being squashed by my need to have order in my life.  If I don’t keep a handle on my chaotic disorganization, all the stuff I have accumulated in my curiosity will be a loss.

Desires are the reasons for doing.  They are the motives for my actions.  They are the reasons for my behavior. All ends are the result of my desire.  The very nature of my inner desires sets my path.  My path may not be your path.  My path is mine.  I may share the road with you once and while but look out and don’t trip over some of the things I not quite organized yet.

Comments?