Category Archives: Ramblings

Liar, Liar, pants on fire.

There is a divide in our country.  It is not about morals.  It is not about religion.  It is about our President of the United States.  President Trump, because of his method of communication has caused much discussion and even hot tempers.  I read this morning a writer’s characterization of this split. The “division between pro-Trump voters and anti-Trump voters could be described as follows: his opponents took Trump literally, but not seriously; whereas his supporters took him seriously, but not literally.”

What we say is important.  I believe the way we say things are also important.  The Pro-Trumper,s find his style of communications refreshing and appreciate is “speak your mind” way of addressing issues. The “Never Trump group calls our President a liar. They want to judge President Trump on his words based upon a concept of what truth is.  They seem to want to take every word, every phrase and dissect them to a point to where these snippets become giant inferences of the total character of the man speaking them.  Sure, we all live in a community, we all speak with a perceived audience and with every word we expect them to hear the words as we speak from our ears.  It just doesn’t work that way. So should I, or even the President be responsible for everyone to instantly understand the framework of the speaker and not from the hearer?

So what am I trying to say?  What is a lie?  Are the words spoken to be judged by the hearer or the speaker?  I am well aware the answer to this last question expects to be a yes or no.  But it is not that easy.  First and probably most important is the words must be understood from the person saying them.  A lie is a mismatch between what’s in your heart, that is what you take to be true and what’s on your tongue or what we say is true.  We lie when we speak words that are not what our lives and hearts believe. We lie when we speak words that contradict our thoughts.

OK, how about someone who speaks words that are part of his life and fully believes in what he is saying?  Is this inwardly truthful person a liar?  If I truly believe the world is flat and say so, am I a liar?  Don’t think so.  I am just speaking my heart, my belief, my understanding of the truth.  Am a liar?  No I am not.  I am just deceived or haven’t placed truth deep in my heart.  Liar, no, deceived, yes.

If you call someone a liar you are simply saying to the one speaking the words that your concept of the truth is different than what someone else is saying.  But the problem saying they are a liar is a judgement based upon your truth.  Your understanding of the truth is not the same as the speaker’s understanding of the truth.  And if speaker is not violating the internal understanding of the speaker’s truth, it is not a lie.

Maybe those who are so critical of our President are on to something. God does care what we think. And he knows that what we really think will always, in the end, come out of our mouth. The issue is a judgement based on our own personal views of truth. And your truth is not always my truth.  Your truth may not be anyone else’s truth.   We as Christians are people who are on a journey to the place where we believe that truth brings more hope than lies. That journey makes us more and more honest — more and more like God our Father who never speaks what he knows to be untrue, and whose heart is disclosed to us perfectly in the words of Scripture, and, above all, in the Word of God, Jesus his only-begotten Son.  I cannot call anyone a liar.  And I truly believe neither should any other Christian.

What do you think?  Leave a comment.

 

Dry Worship, now what?

I arrived early for my small group lesson last Sunday.  We had a substitute leader and the portion of scripture is well known and everything that can be said had been said a thousand times before.  I read the scripture when asked, bring in historical references when appropriate.  But something seems to be missing.  10:30 and we pray move to the sanctuary for worship.

It is well done: the song service is meant to set an environment of worship. But I am not feeling it.  Where is the awe of God? Where is the beauty of worship?  I am just not getting it today.  I look around and there are some that are raising their hands and praising God.  But for me, nothing.

So what should I do from here? Should you go through the motions anyway?  Do I just bear the lack of personal oneness with God and wait for next week?

What is true worship? Jesus said true worship must involve both spirit and truth (John 4:24).  OK, let’s look at truth.  The Bible is truth.  The lesson was truthful, the Pastors message was truthful, the songs were truthful. Worship in truth is a revelation of Jesus.  I have the truth part covered, it must be the other requirement.  Worship in Spirit.

What’s worship in spirit?  What does that mean?  Back to study.  I have to find the truth about the spirit.  What does the Bible say about spirit?  Normally when book refers to the Holy Spirit, it is predicated by the word “THE”.  Digging a little deeper, John was using the word spirit to refer to feelings and emotions.  So worship in spirit is to do so with feelings and emotions.  Now don’t get me wrong, I am not proposing rolling in the isles and handling snakes, but it is more than a stoic resignation to boredom.

So how to get to the feeling part.  Especially for a person not known for his outgoing enthusiasm.  I would think that worship in spirit includes joyful praise, awestruck wonder, sorrow for sin, longing for God, and maybe a chill or two.  But what if I am just not feeling it.  What can I do? Is there a pious position which I can put my head?  Where are the holy feelings? I guess I could just go through the motions.  Stand when everyone else stands.  Sit when I am asked.  Try and sing songs that I really don’t think have much good theology.  But that just sets me up for what Jesus calls hypocrisy in Matthew 15:7-8

You hypocrites! Well did Isaiah prophesy of you, when he said: “‘This people honors me with their lips, but their heart is far from me…”

So what can I do?

In my studies today I found an interesting passage in Psalms 40 and was the theme of a great old hymn He Brought Me Out

My heart was distressed ’neath Jehovah’s dread frown,
And low in the pit where my sins dragged me down;
I cried to the Lord from the deep miry clay,
Who tenderly brought me out to golden day.

He brought me out of the miry clay,
He set my feet on the Rock to stay;
He puts a song in my soul today,
A song of praise, hallelujah!

At the beginning of Psalm 40 David was not feeling the worship. He felt as I did, in a pit of destruction and stuck in miry clay.  But it changed, God put a song of praise in his mouth. What is the difference?  What is the change that brought the song of praise?

David states plainly. “I waited patiently for the Lord.”  He did not go through the motions.  He did not stand when everyone else were standing.  He did not mouth the words.  He did not hold his head at a pious angle.  He simply waited for the Lord. He did not give up on worship; it was still the goal, but he simply waited for God to help him worship.  And here is how to do it.  I borrowed this quite a few years ago and I don’t know where but here it is:

  1. With expectation point yourself to the divine.  No use looking inwardly if it is just more emptiness.  Don’t focus on your lifeless heart — trust Christ to meet you, help you, change you.
  2. Pray and ask Him to help you worship.  Admit you want to worship and you are not doing so well. Cast your burdens upon Him — and ask Him to strengthen your faith.  Ask for more of the Spirit’s work in your heart to enable you to feel joyful praise, awestruck wonder, and heartfelt longing for Him.
  3. Open the Bible again and find the truth of God that points to praise. If worship is fire, then truth is the fuel that causes the fire to burn.  The more fuel — the hotter the fire.  Focus on the truth in the songs, the prayers, the Scriptures.
  4. Do point one through three again and again patiently.  It’s called waiting for a reason.  God might change your heart instantly — or not.  But His timing is perfect love for you.  So humbly continue waiting for Him.

It may take a long time or just an instant but it will come.  My God is not one to disappoint.

But — if we will wait on the Lord — it’s just a matter of time before we feel the wind of the Spirit start to blow — that fog starts to break up — we see the beauty of God revealed in Jesus Christ —

And we will worship.

Turn out the lights the party is over.

Sunday worship is a time where we focus for an hour or so on God.  The order of service is very familiar: 15 minutes of spiritual songs, a few announcements, a message from the Bible, an offering, and a benediction.  Each is mixed well and served in a comforting way.  Sweet.  But when it is over, we are trust back into a world that is both common place and not quite so holy.

The people we mix with are not all heavenly apparitions of goodness. They are not all angels.  We have to live our lives among the heathen.  Sure I live in a Christian nation.  Even the money I carry in my pocket has “In God We Trust”.  But it does not seem like it most of the time.  The reality of it all we have to live in a world that, for the most part wants nothing of my Jesus.  We must mingle with those who do not love Christ.  There are times when life is just full of frustration and discouragement. The issue is we have to live through it.  We have to meet the day as they come.  Sometimes we would rather just pull the covers over our heads and stay in the silent warmth of our beds.

To live the life that Jesus demands of me I have to live within the rocks of the world.  To step boldly as the jagged edges of life try to break my stride is the goal.  Each step has to be taken.  It does not matter that the ground I tread is trying to break my ankles.  So how do I do it?  How do I keep on keeping on?  How do I keep the momentum going forward, when I want to just sit and reduce the threats?

Life has to be more than existence.  It is not enough to just sit and be protected.  We have to move on.  “If you are not living on the edge, you are just taking up space.”  Sure there are times we have to “be still and know” but most of the time we have to make progress. Life is to be a joy not a burden. The joy is not in the destination but in the journey.  It is the overcoming the rocks in our path but the victory is moving through them.

Life is more than surviving.  Life is more than getting along.  Life is more that existing until we get back into our cocoon of our beds to die for eight hours or so.  Life is to be lived to overcome our obstacles, to master our experiences, and to have sense of joy along the way.  There will be defeats. There will be rocks that bruise us. There will be injuries that seem to disable us from going any further.  But there will be times of walking along with the eternal in our steps.  We may well wish to be have a little more ease and a lot less of toil.  We may find hope that it will get better.  But really it doesn’t matter.  You see that every one of us must live in our own circumstances.  What we make of our lives is not a matter of changing our world but changing ourselves.

It would be cool if we had everything we wanted.  To have the whole world at our finger tips. Never to experience pain, disappointment, or sin.  How delightful it would be, never to have a care, or a cross or a single negative. But it just isn’t so.  Paradise, Shangri-La, and heaven is not here.  And longing for It will not make it any closer.  Restless discontent cannot change our place.  All those around us have their lives they are living and I have mine.  It is mine alone.

So out of the bed I go.  To live and I choose to live in victory over the boulders in life. I choose to grow and move in the world God has given me to live.  Sunday worship is a great place to bask in the glow of perfection but my victories don’t come inside of a church.  My life is more than that.

 

Why I Write

My purpose of writing is to clean out the cob webs of my life.  It is not enough to just be.  You have to pass something along. I have done much in my life but little to make waves.  What is strange is some would say I talk to much, others would say I am stoic and don’t talk much at all.  When I am quiet, I am told that I must be mad or angry.  When I am loud and verbose it is a attitude of passion not an attitude rejection of others ideas.
My writing is about my personal struggle, my personal grasping for happiness, my travail for my destination that almost pushed all else out of my journey.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not comparing myself to the great journalistic giants of history, but the more I study, the more I read, the more I understand, I find there are paths, rivulets of cohesive continuity in the chaos.  If I just take a moment to look carefully and stop for a moment, I learn.   I have realized that it is the journey not the destination.
Serendipity is finding something when looking for something else.  It is the discovery of joy along the way.  It is the “ah ha” moments we encounter as we stumble along our journey. Serendipity is not luck.  It is not finding a crisp 20 dollar bill along the road.  Serendipity is having your efforts produce more than you expect.  Serendipity still requires effort.  It still requires a pointing toward the destination, because if you don’ know where you are going, you have already arrived.
But Serendipity is looking for words to describe a grandchild, the sweet strength in the quiet of a son and in doing so discovering beauty of someone that makes you happy.  Understanding is found in the most unlikely places.  Serendipity is offering a kind word to a stranger just to get them to smile for a moment, and having them change their mind about suicide. Serendipity is walking the halls of a small hospital trying to do the right thing and be confronted with someone asking to be led to a new path.
Serendipity is writing a description of one person’s life and discovering your own.

Passion

Passion is what energizes life. It is the zing in our waking.  It is the empowerment to go one more time. It turns the impossible into possible. In fact, if you don’t have any passion in your life, your ministry, your church, or in your salvation, you will become boring, dull, routine, monotonous. What I am saying here is, if you don’t have passion in your life you are not living. You are existing. God made you to live a passionate life and to serve him and his people with vitality. Life with vibrancy, energy, and enthusiasm is not the exception, it is the expected norm. He wants you to have this in your life.  If you are not living on the edge of excitement you are probably just taking up space.

In John 10, Jesus said “My purpose is to give life in all its fullness.” God wants you to live a full life, a fulfilling life, which is the basis for a fulfilling your calling to be one of his followers. If that’s true, that’s the kind of life God meant for us to live. Life is meant to be enjoyed, not merely endured. Sadly, however, countless thousands of pastors, hundreds of thousands of Godly church members and ministry leaders are simply enduring, holding on for the ride and hoping to survive until death without blowing it too badly.

The apostle Paul said in 1 Corinthians 1:9, “God, who got you started in this spiritual adventure, shares with us the life of his Son and our Master Jesus. He will never give up on you. Never forget that.” God’s will for you is to live and lead in a spiritual adventure. The life that God plans for you is not a mundane boring life. It is an adventurous life. Helen Keller once said, “Life is either a daring adventure or it’s nothing.” I often think the same should be true of our spiritual walk – it’s a daring, bold adventure, or it’s nothing.

Brent Hobbs defines passion this way:
Passion is waking up in the morning wherever you are and bounding out of bed because you know there’s something out there that you love to do, that you believe in and that you’re good at. Something that’s bigger than you are and you can hardly wait to get at it again. It’s something you’d rather be doing more than anything else. You wouldn’t give it up for money because it means more to you than money.

Church growth and electric screwdrivers

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I often see something that needs to be fixed around the house.  I have all tools, I have the ability to look up the solutions, and I have the desire to get it done.  The results are not always the best; if you looked at my work the new braces on the fence may not be very straight, and that engine on the old truck finally gave up after working on it for six months.

But what I would like to vent on today is often in the middle of one project, I get distracted with another.  While working on the fence and putting new slats with an electric screwdriver, a distraction presents itself.  The very tool in my hand becomes a distraction.  Reminders of other screws that need tightening are brought to mind.  Matter of fact everything around me seems too need my screwdriver touch.

The church, it seems to me, is caught in the same trap.  There have been volumes of writings on Church Growth.  Seminars, educations, blogs, denominational studies on church growth abound.  They have become the electric screwdrivers of Evangelical Christianity.  “We can solve all our problems with increasing numbers.” Massive outputs of time, talent and treasure have been invested in this Church electric screwdriver.

Why is bigger always better? Why has it become the go-to answer for every church.  For that matter, has church growth become a solution looking for a problem?

I look at the Bible for answers.  What should be the pattern for today’s church?  There are amazing similarities between the first century church and the church today.  They had large churches and small churches.  There were healthy, sick and dead churches. There were churches with strong leaders, weak leaders, and even sinful leaders.  These churches worshiped God in imperfect ways.  There were arguments over beliefs and practices.  Some were in homes while others were big enough to gather in communal gatherings.

If there ever was a picture of variety, it was in the early church.  The church in Jerusalem, Corinth, Laodicea, Thessalonica and Ephesus had little in common outside of following scripture and practicing communion and water baptism.  Their goal was not building new edifices to gather in.  Church growth was never a solution.  It was a natural evidence of something else.

When a church was in trouble, when a church was not living up to the standards of Jesus the New testament writers did not exhort them to get bigger.  They were told the argumentative to get along.  The immoral church was told to repent.  The sinning church was warned of impending punishment.  Not once did Paul, Luke, John, or Peter ever tell a church in crisis to expand.

No New Testament writer ever told a sick, dying, sinful or hurting church to get bigger.  Church growth and church health are not equal.

Church growth is not the electric screwdriver that can fix a church that is not what it should be.  No early church leader ever pointed to church growth as the fix for problems.

Yes, I know that Jesus said to go out and make disciples and that would mean growth.  But a sick church is not helped or maybe even harmed by an in swell of more people.  John, when he addressed the challenges, sins and blessings of the seven churches in Revelation, never told any of them to grow.  No early church leader ever told any church – sick or healthy – to structure for growth. Not every church was growing. Many were barely hanging on, while staying faithful. But there’s not even a hint that the apostles saw their lack of numerical growth as evidence of a problem.

In fact, unless you’re looking at the New Testament through a modern, western church growth lens, it’s impossible to miss the fact that small, suffering churches were given far more praise for their faithfulness than large, growing churches were given for the numerical increase.

With my electric screwdriver in hand and everything around me needing a wood screw, it is easy to be distracted from the fence that needs fixing.  I believe that churches are supposed to grow.  But I do not think then next Church growth tool is the answer.  I believe that health not size is the emphasis of the first church and should be the emphasis of my church.

I’m merely raising a much-overlooked point about where we place our priorities.  The fence needs to be fixed before we worry about that new deck that is planned.

Have to go, the battery on my electric screwdriver is now charged.

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Hello Weekend with an Angel..

Not long ago my family joined in a long weekend in Bodega Bay, California.  One of the participants is the sweetest angel of a grand-daughter that God has ever given to a proud Pop Pop.  On the outside porch we were all talking, and being the demonstrative family we are our voices were verging on being loud.  The family was all looking out over the ocean in the distance and my grand-daughter was staring at us with the ocean behind her.  Well my little angel realized there were voices coming from behind her.  It was an echo.

She turned and at the top of her lungs she shouted, “Hello.”  And in rapid response came that same sweet voice right back.  It was a discovery of the innocent.  There was wonder in her eyes and her joy that gave me joy.  Her smile made me smile.  The rest of the weekend, she took every opportunity to stand facing the far distant ocean and shouted over and over, “Hello.”

She is yet too young to understand that while most people call this event just an echo, but it is much more than that.  It really is about life.  It gives back everything you say or do.  Our life is simply an echo of our actions and attitudes.

If you want more love in the world, create more love in your heart. If you want more joy in your family, improve your own joy. This relationship applies to everything, in all aspects of life; life will give you back everything you have given to it.”  My sweet angel’s smile was reflected by my smile.  Her joy was reflected back by my joy.

Life is not just a number of coincidences.  Life is a reflection of you.

 

Good News

In a day of depressing headlines and uncertainty all around us, good news is always welcome. The entertainment industry would have you believe we should be watching out for zombies, phasers, tooth decay, and the dreaded two-year-old car. If there was ever a time that society and my soul needed good news it is now.

I am a product of the Hymnal and some of the greatest thoughts outside of the Bible were ingrained into my mind was from hymns. What better news could there be that came from the old hymn : “The vilest offender who truly believes, that moment from Jesus a pardon receives?” When Christians refer to the “Gospel” they are referring to the “good news” that Jesus Christ died to pay the penalty for our sin so that we might become the children of God through faith alone in Christ alone. In short, “the Gospel” is the sum total of the saving truth as God has communicated it to lost humanity as it is revealed in the person of His Son and in the Holy Scriptures, the Bible. Truly Good News.

Just Saying!

Contemporary worship is framed by the simple definition of the word “contemporary” – “Of the times” (Webster). A contemporary song has a brief shelf life, and was intended to pass away, with the rare exception of a song that passes into “timelessness” because of its lyrical content and extraordinary musical composition.

Just Saying!

Exodus and the Chosen leaving the church

I was just reading the story of the Exodus of the Israelites out of Egypt. You know the story. It started with “Let my people go” and the stubbornness of Pharaoh followed by plagues. Finally, after God killing off the first born of Egypt, Pharaoh let them go. The chosen people packed all their stuff and left.
But Pharaoh had second thoughts when he realized there would be no one to build his temples, no one to clean and keep up the property. There would be no one to harvest the crops. It was a bad thing to be on the other side of that great Exodus. I can see the panic in the faces of all the Egyptians because the very people they had depended to do the menial and the mundane were moving out.
Sort of like what is happening in the American Church today. Those who have been the ones to carry the burdens are dying off, and the next generation is not there to pick up the slack. The Church looks out the palace window and only see a massive exodus.
Like the Egyptian’s, the church has seen the warnings. Great plagues of modernism, relativism, and entertainment was not enough to keep the keepers of the kingdom placated. I can almost hear the travail of the ones left behind as they see the numbers dwindle, the cash flow slows, and the talent was disappearing. Like Pharaoh, the leaders figured if we do one more program or one more campaign we can make do with what we have. New efforts are made to entice the fence sitters to become the new servants now in the desert on their way to the promised land. Pharaoh tries to manufacture passion from the shrinking faithful.
There have been hundreds of surveys, papers, books, and studies as to why the numbers are just not the same. Some would blame the culture. The all permeating, all powerful perversity of the media is poisoning the culture in which we live. When people move out, or even silently simply walk softly into the night; you think that the gays and the Muslims and the Atheists and the pop stars have so screwed up the morality of the world that everyone is abandoning faith in droves.
Church this is not the reason there are fewer seats in the pews.
The world is not the problem it is the church. The world in which the Church lives has always been bad. If anything, it is easier now than any other time in history.
So what is the problem?
First the church has imperceptibly moved from its very foundation. We have become one more infotainment venue. The stage, and the lights, and the bands, and the video screens, have all just become white noise to those really seeking to encounter God. In the effort to be more relevant we have become more irrelevant. The morning service has become no more than ear and eye candy for an hour, but they have so little relevance in people’s daily lives that more and more of them are taking a pass.
Yeah, the songs are cool and the show is great, but ultimately Sunday morning isn’t really making a difference on Tuesday afternoon or Thursday evening, when people are wrestling with the awkward, messy, painful stuff in the trenches of life; the places where flashy video displays simply don’t help.
We can be entertained anywhere. “I can get more entertainment on TV.” Until you can give us something more than a Christian-themed performance piece—something that allows us space and breath and conversation and relationship—many of us are going to sleep in and stay away.
Second on the list of problems is the very language we use is exclusionary. There is a spiritualized insider language that puts distance between the haves and have nots. And putting them on a big video display does not make it better.
Our language should be very simple. Churchy words and about eschatological frameworks and theological systems don’t help. Talk to them plainly about love, and joy, and forgiveness, and death, and peace, and God, and they’ll be all ears. Keep up the church-speak, and you’ll be talking to an empty room soon.
We need you to speak in a language that we can understand. There’s a message there worth sharing, but it’s hard to hear above your verbal pyrotechnics.
Next in my list of issues is that the church sees itself as a building. The walls are not sacred. The high tech sound system, and video displays are not the church. Hiring a children’s director because no one seems to love children is not the church. All the money seems to be spent on the things inside of the church, but the 140 some odd waking hours a Christian has cannot be met with one or two hours of entertainment in well-appointed pews with the temperature just right to keep us from falling asleep.
If our goal is to have better Jesus-stuff than the church down the street’s Jesus-stuff, then we have missed the mark. Most of the churches money, time, energy seems to be about luring people into the church instead of reaching people where they are.
The church needs to reach out, to forsake the family centers and go to the families that are hurting. The greatest mission field is just a few feet outside of the walls.
While I am on my soap box, let me tell you the church is fighting the wrong battles. I know from firsthand experience that the church likes to fight. Onward Christian Soldiers. We know you like to fight, Church. The problem you are fighting the wrong battles. The fights you choose are just not worthy of your energy. It is easier to put up a sign against the latest social injustice. Or even worse, you pick fights between yourselves in the name of theological orthodoxy. We make stands against all kinds of evil. From homosexuality to what entertainment should be viewed by the masses. And in the meantime there are hungry on our streets. Every day we see a world suffocated by poverty, and racism, and violence, and bigotry, and hunger; and in the face of that stuff, you get awfully, frighteningly quiet. We wish you were as courageous in those fights, because then we’d feel like coming alongside you; then we’d feel like going to war with you.
I don’t know where I found this but it rings true, “Church, we need you to stop being warmongers with the trivial and pacifists in the face of the terrible.”
The last reason the pews are slowly becoming empty is that church love doesn’t look much like love. It is terribly selective. The pattern of the through the ages has followed a simple formula: 1. BELIEVE, 2. BECOME 3. BELONG. You had to believe before you allowed to become a part and once you get to a place in your life where you have arrived (become) you could find a place to belong. It was spawned out of the persecution of the church where you had to be extremely vetted to enter into the church. But I would submit we need to change. Jesus did it differently.
Jesus hung around the riff raff of society. The disciples did not believe Jesus was God until the last. They saw Him as the Messiah but not until the resurrection did they finally figure it out. Jesus’ methodology was to include everyone provide them a place to BELONG. He created a place of acceptance. Belong, Believe, Become
It feels like a big bait-and-switch sucker-deal; advertising a “Come as You Are” party, but letting us know once we’re in the door that we can’t really come as we are. We see a Jesus in the Bible who hung out with lowlifes and prostitutes and outcasts, and loved them right there, but that doesn’t seem to be your cup of tea.
There seems to be an unwritten list of do and don’ts that must be checked off before you will include some. The church seems a little exclusionary. Can the church love those that cuss and drink and get tattoos, and God forbid, vote Democrat? Is there a place for the great unwashed? Is there a place for the broken family? Is there a place for those who are sinners?
Now before you get all in a huff and label me a person that just doesn’t get it. Or start to judge me for my opinions, remember that is the problem. There is no place for disagreement, there is no place of discussion. It is your way or the highway.
Even if we are the woman in adultery, or the doubting follower, or the rebellious prodigal, or the demon-riddled young man, we can’t be anything else right now in this moment; and in this moment, we need a Church big enough, and tough enough, and loving enough; not just for us as we might one day be then, but for us as we are, now.
Maybe you’re right, Church.
Maybe I am the problem.
Maybe it is me, but me is all I’m capable of being right now, and that’s where I was really hoping you would meet me.